Aller Anfang ist schwer - Jana

The thought of going to a foreign country for 6 weeks all on my own didn`t bother me at all. Quite the contrary, I was extremely hyped to go there and live on my own for the first time. I always thought that I wouldn`t mind being alone and it wouldn´t bother me that I had nobody near. Turned out to I was wrong. In the last 2.5 weeks I experienced that I am more of a person which needs friends and family around. Which usually is not a bad thing. Well, but right now it is… at least a little bit… or let´s say it was.

In my first blog I already mentioned that when I arrived I kind of broke down. That was when I realized for the very first time that I am alone now. Alone in a foreign country, in a new city where everybody speaks a foreign language. Alone in a new apartment. Alone in a new job. So basically, what happened was that I kind of just broke down, not knowing what was going on with me. It took me some time to get it all together and sorted out but I was doing fine again. After I talked to some friends and to my family on the phone, I was encouraged to start into my first weekend. I got to explore the city and I was extremely excited for my first day of work.

My first week of work went by rapidly, there were so many new things to see and learn. Work was fine, but somehow, I wasn’t. After work basically all I did was going to bed watching series. I wasn´t feeling like doing anything, even though I was in a new city and there was so much to explore. There was something wrong…

When I woke up on Sunday, I felt some kind of way I´ve never felt before. I couldn´t really figure out what the problem was. I just felt depressed. I decided to call my family to talk to them in order to get better. But when they answered the phone I just couldn´t handle my current feelings. It was just too much to ask. In that moment all I wanted to do was going home. I even thought of shortening my stay by two weeks, so that I would only stay for 4 weeks then. After just one week, it felt like I already “crashed”. I´ve never felt this way before and really hope I´ll never feel like this again. After a looong conversation on the phone my family was able to encourage me to go out that afternoon, which helped a lot. When I returned to my apartment in the evening everything was fine again.

Since then I am fine and actually really happy about my current situation. I talk a lot to all my friends and family and I am extremely grateful for all their support. I can call them whenever I feel like I need somebody to talk to. Huge THANK YOU for that!

Last weekend I spent my weekend in San Sebastian. Life was just too good. I loved the city, stayed at a hostel, where I got to meet new people and was not alone for the first time since I have been in Madrid. I loved it there and still I got that strange feeling. But just a simple call helps me forget about that most of the time.

I´ve never felt like this before. It´s just like being homesick, although I really enjoy it here and don’t want to go home now. I am just excited for those 3 weeks that are still to come. In the first 2.5 weeks it was quite hard for me to deal with this kind of problem, but I think now I found a way how to overcome the starting difficulties and enjoy my stay.
In my opinion I could learn a lot in those two weeks. The most important thing was the support all my friends and family showed me. I can rely on them no matter what. They always got my back. Afterwards I am really proud that I can say that I have overcome this problem and decided not to quit when it would have been so easy. Keep going – keep growing…

Now the best is yet to come. On Friday my family will arrive in Madrid for the weekend. The next weekend two friends of mine will be visiting. My last weekend I am going to spend in Barcelona. What more does one want?

Jana